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PND – My Story

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Written by Louise

I had Postnatal Depression after my first born and although I have come through it, I still suffer severe anxiety along with chronic fatigue.

Here is my story:

 

I sailed through my first pregnancy.  No sickness, no tiredness, I actually felt great.  I was so looking forward to having my first baby!!

The birth however, was horrific!! Over 24 hours in labour, ventouse delivery, 3rd degree tear…

I left hospital the following morning much to the midwives dismay but I was adamant. I just wanted to forget the whole experience.

I arrived home and was straight into doing the washing, scrubbing the floors etc.. basically everything but resting.

I was in agony ( I now know I was also suffering Post-traumatic stress disorder) but kept going.

I just stared at my baby all day. I could not believe how I brought this beautiful, perfect little boy into this world!!  I should be the happiest person alive but I wasn’t.

To be honest I don’t remember much of his first few months, It was all a bit of a blur.  When I was out (if I managed to get dressed that day) I saw all these “perfect mothers” (I now know there is no such thing) walking around all dolled up I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

I was terrified of leaving my baby with anyone in case something happened to him.  I sterilized everything in sight sometimes 2/3 times a day.  I did all the night feeds because I didn’t want to miss out on a moment with him.  I cooked all his dinners from scratch.  He had to have the best of everything, food, clothes…  I wanted to be the “perfect mother” so much I was running myself into the ground!!

I was an emotional wreck.  I thought to myself everyone felt this way and this is what happens when you have a baby so get on with it.

It wasn’t until Christmas day that year (my baby was 6 months old) that I broke down to my sister and realized this was not normal.

After Christmas I got in touch with Nurture.  I started seeing Irene Lowry ( Founder of Nurture), along with medication prescribed by my GP.  I’m not going to lie, it was a long time before finding the best medication that suited me but I got there in the end.

I also had hypnotherapy.  Because of the birth I had to attend physio once a week in the Rotunda Hospital.  The thoughts of stepping into that hospital again brought on a panic attack.  I knew I had to get some help.  After a few sessions ( I don’t know how she did it but she did) I was able to go back to the hospital and had no problem attending my physio appointments.

Cut a long story short I went on to have my crazy little lady 20 months ago by elective cesarean and really enjoyed the whole experience second time round.

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If  you or someone you know is suffering just remember you are not alone and you WILL get better.xxx

About the author

Louise

I am a stay at home mammy of two Ryan (4) and Holly (20 months). Being a stay at home mammy is so rewarding watching your children. I am always looking for things to do and places to go with the kids so I thought I would post it all in my blog and give you guys some ideas.

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